Ezra's Upbringing
by Mistress Malica
Summary: I started to think about how the PG rating of the show makes living on the street seem like something fun we could all just do. We know reality is not always as pretty. So here is a mini series of one shorts where we explore times where Ezra's upbringing on the street really shows and chocks a least one of the crew members. Rated T for the same reason.
1. Not trusted

Hi everyone. I was trapped in a car for four hours with my parents and I tell you strange things can happen with my mind in such situations. So, I started to think about how the PG rating of the show makes living on the street seem like something fun we could all just do. We know reality is not always as pretty. So here is a mini series of one shorts where we explore times where Ezra's upbringing on the street really shows and chocks a least one of the crew members. Rated T for the same reason. Also the chapters will be dropped from time to time when I feel like it, it won't be my primary writing activity. One last things, since harsh issues is dealt with then this is not the place to go for happy feelings and stuff.

* * *

Ezra and Sabine were walking in the capital city send out for getting food for the credits they earned on their last job. For Ezra this was wonderful to for once by the food instead of stealing, even though several of the shop owners glared at him with disgust and mistrust. Every time he was near a shop he had to talk to the shop owners, showing him there credits and promise to stay within view, he had tried to hide it from Sabine but she glared confused at him for every shop they entered.

"What is wrong with these people? Why does people look at us this way?" Sabine said confused at the third shop they went to.

"Not you miss, HIM" the shop owner said and glared hard at Ezra.

Ezra tried to prevent a sound of irritation slipping, he did not need another reminder of how unwanted he was. Sabine looked confused at Ezra.

"What has he done?" Sabine asked confused.

Why don't you ask the little thief there miss?" the shop owner growled.

"I shown you the money, promised to pay and keep within your eyesight at all time. What more do you want from me?" Ezra growled.

"I want you out of the shop, your filthy little street rat" the shop owner sneered.

"I may be a street rat by at least I have better manners than to throw insults at people" Ezra said and grinned mockingly.

"That is enough you filthy little rat, get out of here and never come back again" the shop owner yelled, and grabbed him by the colour and threw him out of the door.

Sabine by seeing how ill Ezra was treated, threw the fruit she had wanted to buy right at the owner, which ended splatting out in the face of the rude man. Sabine rushed after Ezra before the owner could yell at her too, and found him walking back towards the Ghost.

"Ezra what was that about?" Sabina asked confused.

Ezra looked at her with a stared that asked her if she was seriously. Confused by his reaction she just looked at him for an answer and Ezra for once did not flirt with her, but took her serious and just talked to her.

"Sabine when you live on the street stealing is your basic form of how to provide food. So, when you shop on the rare occasions that you have money, you don't get trusted. People expect you to steal from them again tomorrow, even though you might have money today" Ezra said and looked to the ground.

"But that is not fair, you do have money" Sabine said.

"Yes, but in there mind I will always be a filthy little street rat, stealing from them, and people don't like street rats" Ezra said not wanting to meet her eyes.

"You are not a street rat" Sabine protested.

"In their eyes, I am. Just looking at them can make them angry. Sabine people don't like street rats, they only look at them if they think they have a bounty on their head, or if they think you make problems. People is not shy of giving you a good smack on the head if they think you deserve it or just for good measure" Ezra concluded.

"But …" Sabine began.

"Sabine there is nothing to it, this is just how it is can we get home? We have most of the food anyway" Ezra said.

Sabine wanted to discuss it further, but she could tell that Ezra was not in the mood to discuss it further. As they walked away Sabine noticed how Ezra waked. Lightly, looking down and trying to avoid attention of any sort, just like one living on the streets would. For the first time it hit Sabine just how much Ezra must have been denied by the society, just because he did not have other options than to steal to survive.

* * *

A/N Okay I really hope you like this more realistic approach to the life on street. I take request if you have wish or ideas to explore aspects as the life of a street rat. Also this is a series of on shorts so no big action nor a coherent story – for the most part.


	2. Trash food

I started writing this is a two part but then chapter one took a life of its own so they came separately but will be released back to back.

* * *

Sabine and Ezra walked back to the Ghost from a shopping trip as they neared the last part of the city before the grassy fields where the Ghost was hidden.

"Oh Ezra I forgot a part of the things we need to buy. I can just buy it and then you can wait out here" Sabine said, she did not wish a repeat of the last shop.

Ezra just nodded and walked over to the hose on the other side and leaned up against it waiting for Sabine to finish.

As Sabine walked out of the shop with the last few items bought she came over to the wall and found Ezra where he had waited for her. Only he was eagerly eating a small piece of fruit - an yougern she noticed.

"Hey Ezra where did you get this?" Sabine asked.

Ezra's sighted and would not meet her eyes as he just started to eat the food faster.

"I found it" was all Ezra would say.

Suddenly Sabine became worried - had Ezra stole the fruit? Ezra had admitted that he primarily feed himself by stealing when he was on the street, but surely that had not happened now?

"Let us get back the rest of the crew must be waiting" Ezra said and started walking.

"Oh no, not before you tell me where you got this" Sabine demanded.

"Sabine it is nothing, just a piece of fruit" Ezra said frustrated.

"Then tell me where you got it. I just want to know that you did not steal it that is all" Sabine growled.

The look of hurt and betray flashed over her face and Sabine felt a little guilty, but she wanted to be sure.

"I did not steal it okay, I found it" Ezra growled at her.

"Then were?" Sabine demanded.

Ezra rolled his eyes and pointed. What he pointed at turned out to be a trash can near one of buildings.

"EZRA" Sabine shouted.

"What?" Ezra asked confused.

"THAT is disgusting. I don't want you to do that, it is disgusting to do such a thing" Sabine snapped.

"Sabine please it is just a piece of fruit" Ezra said, frustrating coloring his voice, but hurt was also in it.

Ezra was starting to eat the fruit with great speed.

"Throw it out" Sabine demanded.

"No" Ezra growled as he swallowed the last part of the fruit and slurped the juice inside him.

"Ezra no" Sabine scolded him fiercely "It is disgusting".

Ezra just looked at her hurt and turned around and walked towards the Ghost.

"Don't you turn your back to me" Sabine called angrily.

Ezra only speeded up as they went back.

"Ezra gets back here immediately" Sabine called really angry that he tried to get away from her.

Ezra flat out ran the last part rushing into the Ghost with Sabine behind him yelling at him.

"Ezra, Sabine what in the world is going on" Hera called angrily.

Sabine now in a fine temper walked into the cockpit where Ezra was already looking to the floor.

"Now what is all this about?" Hera demanded.

"Nothing Hera" Ezra said.

"Ezra took a piece of fruit from the trash can and ate it, and when I tried to get him to throw it away, he just stuck with it, ate all of it and then ran away from me" Sabine growled

"What Ezra … why would you do that? It is unhygienic and disgusting" Hera said looking at Ezra.

Ezra looked almost pained when Kanan and Zeb walked in

"What is going on?" Kanan asked.

Hera told him and he looked with sympathy at Ezra, but also Zeb shoot him a sympathetic look.

"Zeb could you and Ezra goes and make some lunch? I need a word with Hera and Sabine" Kanan said.

"WHAT Kanan?" the woman shouted.

Ezra rushed out of the room, with Zeb following after him having a strange expression on his face.

SWR

Ezra looked down as he walked to the kitchen, he did not want to hear anymore about that stupid fruit. For crying out loud it had not been rotten or wormy and it was laying on the top of the trash can.

"It is not your fault kid" Zeb said gently.

Ezra turned around and looked at Zeb for a for long time. It was abnormal for Zeb to be so gently around him, but then he took a good look at him and saw the half pained expression on Zeb's face.

"You too Zeb?" Ezra asked gently.

"Yes kid all though probably not as much as you. When Lasan felt, I had nothing left, so I had to go off world and …. well the empire wasn't fond of letting people hire me or just get near them" Zeb said and paused followed.

"I am sorry Zeb" Ezra said gently.

"It's okay kid, not your fault and don't let Sabine's reaction get to you. She has never tried such things, so to her it seems disgusting but that doesn't mean she finds you disgusting" Zeb said.

Ezra looked a little doubting but Zeb tried to pull a smile and Ezra smiled back a little.

"Now let us make some lunch" Zeb said and Ezra nodded.

SWR

"Kanan what?" Hera asked.

"Yes he has to …" Sabine started but Kanan held a hand to stop them.

"Hera, Sabine tell me has any of you ever tried to be hungry? I mean not just skip a meal kind of hungry, but hungry to the point where all you think about is how hungry you are. The point where all food … any type of food, regardless of if it is vormy or rotten, looks so good to you and the pain in your stomach grow every minute demanding some form of food? The point where ypu can barely lift your hand or arm to try and snatch somethig?" Kanan asked them.

Both Hera and Sabine looked confused and sadly at each other before both of them shook their heads.

"I am glad you never have experienced that. But for those of us that have snatching fruits from garbage cans has been our only way to survive, to prevent yourself from dying of starvation and people look down on you for it. They themselves has never been so low that rotten food from a garbage can was the only way not to die. They don't understand why you just don't get a job and get something to eat. I … I have experience so myself. Sometimes there was people taking pity of me and gave up what they have to save me from dying of starvation. To be honest they had nothing themselves and yet they offered what little they had found in the dumpster to me so I could survive. Live through something like that and you will never say taking a piece a fruit out of garbage can is disgusting, it might be the only thing that have kept you alive" Kanan said having a pained expression on his face.

"I am so sorry Kanan" both Sabine and Hera said.

"Not to me, to Ezra, it was him you hurt, after all he lived 8 years on the streat. The rational part of his brain knows he no longer has to, but old habits die hard. Sometime I am still scruffeling my food down, afraid someone will snatch it from me even though my mind tells me you won't. This happens to me and I was on the street far shorter than he was" Kanan said.

Hera and Sabine looked down in shame. Sabine was having tears in her eyes clearly upset about her former actions.

"I am sorry Kanan, I am so, so sorry" Sabine said.

"You don't have to … at least for me. I learned the lesson you are leaning now because of that and it made me a better person due to that. Before that I was looking down at people who ate out of dumpster. First when I tried it myself I found out how little these people have and they do it out of need or desperation" Kanan told them quietly.

"I have to find Ezra. I have to apologize, he must be really sad after this and the evil man" Sabine said nearly crying.

"What evil man Sabine?" Kanan asked.

"A shop owner threw Ezra out because he thought he would steal from him even though he had showed him his money" Sabine explained.

"No one trust a street rat" Kanan mumbled under his breath.

Sabine and Hera looked at him sadly before he sighted, tried to send them a smile and lift the mood.

"I am going to find Ezra" Sabine said.

"Me too" Hera said.

Both woman went out the door Kanan followed feeling a small glimmer of happiness. Being on the street was not easy but he had learned a lot of things and he was glad that he had helped Sabine and Hera understand this a little better.

* * *

A/N There, my two parter finished. I only have a few more ideas so give me ideas if you have something you want to see. All of the stories will be short like this one and focus will be on the character interaction and not big action scenes. It will rarely be set a specific place in the series.


	3. Drunk

Okay I am going to change it a small bit so we start out with Kanan's old habit of drinking the problems away. Never fear Ezra is part of this story but I felt that drinking was more Kanan's areas than Ezra's.

* * *

Kanan hated this day of the year more than anything else, the anniversary of his master's death. Force how he could use a drink on this day, but since he had meet Hera he had stopped drinking all together. Kanan feared that if he tried again he would be right back at being an alcoholic. Even so every year on this day he could really need a drink especially as Bilaba always seemed to be on the edge of his vision dying over and over while he ran from her. Even so he stayed sober and did not drink anything.

"You looks like someone who would like a drink around now" Ezra's voice came from over him.

Kanan looked up from the table and stared in shock at his padawan. How had the kid known that? No dear force no, don't tell him that Ezra had picked up his bad habit of drinking his sorrow away, it was the last thing the kid needed.

Clearly seeing the tensed expression in Kanan's face Ezra huffed.

"Relax Kanan I am not an alcoholic. I have tried once to be really well and drunk but I hated it, yes I have tried to get drinks every once in a while but not to the point where you should be worried. Even so on the street you see drunk people ever so often. They always have the same expression on their face when they are desperate to drown their sorrows away, like you are right now" Ezra said.

Kanan felt worries grow as Ezra talked.

"Ezra you are underage, you should not have tried at all" Kanan replied.

"Relax Kanan I am not interested in a repeat but you know, sometimes you are given drinks by some guys you can't turn down. The one time I was completely drunk they just wanted to see an underage make a complete fool of himself" Ezra mumbled and looked down.

Kanan sighted but knew there was little to do about it.

"You should not have been in that situation at all" Kanan mumbled.

"Now you are really sounding like all the other drunks. Mumbeling, guilt ridden and feeling sorry you are sure you are sober?" Ezra asked.

Kanan was about to make a joke about it until a realization hit him. Ezra had not been joking, he had meant it and he had said as so much matter of fact like he knew it himself.

"Ezra what happened when you were drunk?" Kanan asked sharply.

Ezra froze.

"I don't remember" Ezra answered way to fast.

"You know Ezra so spill" Kanan said in a sharp tone, allowing no room for debate.

"At first I just got really silly like crawling onto a stack of grass to be sold to a farm and declared it my kingdom. There was also when I jumped to the table started singing some gibberish about a lothcat who jumped over the moon. But as they kept giving me more to drink I started to cry and see my parents and then they all just made fun of big of cry baby I was" Ezra said.

Kanan looked carefully at him and then stood up and gently hugged him, he was careful not to squish him as physical contact tended to set Ezra on the edge.

"You are not a cry baby Ezra they were horribly beings that did not care about you. Never let them tell you that you are low person because of that. I .. I drank to forget and only later I learned it made things worse. Even so I am sorry I could not be there to help" Kanan said.

Ezra leaned a little into him and for a short moment he looked like the child he should have been rather than the grown up he often acted like, when he did not hide behind his sarcastic side. Kanan had to admit that Ezra was more grown up than he should be, the life on the street had made sure of that. Even so Kanan was determined to give Ezra small glimpse of childhood as often as he could. Far to hasty Ezra withdrew and walked out of the room with Kanan looked after him worried over what he had heard. Force there was days were he could use a drink.

* * *

A/N I hear you the person who made a guest review. I will try to make it possible but Ahsoka is a little difficult but I will try. Scars and fear is a good idea and will come down the road. There is also some really harsh chapters in store but will be dropped along the way.


	4. Please let me stay

First, thank you so much for all the reviews, followers and favorites, it is wonderful. This is one of the few times where a story is set in the series. It is set in season one Rise of the old Masters. It hurts more than Ezra lets on that Kanan wants to have another teacher for him.

* * *

Ezra hid in vents not wanting to see anyone while they flew to Stygeon Prime. Ezra was both angry and hurt that Kanan had been so eager to dump him on someone else. Ezra had been excited to finally have Kanan start training him and now after the very first session, Kanan had decided to throw him away, because he had not been good at the training. Well if Kanan had been better explaining, then perhaps Ezra would have been better, it was certainly not his fault. Ezra let out an annoyed huff over this. This was stupid, he had only been with them shortly and he had been naive enough to think that this would be different. Ezra had been stupid enough to trust them.

Why had he been so stupid to do so? Ezra knew the 7 rules of the street.

Don't trust anyone.

Don't rely on anyone.

Don't attract trouble.

Don't think other care.

Don't get caught.

Don't cry.

Don't get sick.

Over the years he had broken some of the rules but since he had joined the crew he had broken 4 of them. Ezra had started to create relations with these people and now they have decided that he held no value to them and cut the line. Well even though it was painful but he had feared even since he came aboard, Ever since Kanan had offered him to teach him only to not do so and then he would leave him with another after one session. Ezra was not going to stick around long enough to drop him off on some strange, he might not hold any value to them but then he had no obligation to stay there any longer.

"Ezra we are here" he heard Hera call.

Ezra growled but came out, Hera was the one person he could not really be mad at, she always tried to help him. Ezra supposed he could help out before he left.

SWR

Ezra checked if he had somehow missed something as he packed his meager possessions and started walking out. Ezra did not feel the need to say goodbye to anyone, least of all Kanan who was still mourning the loss of his important Jedi master, that was supposed to have taken over his training. Ezra cringed at the thought of being dumped on another, even so leaving was not easy for him. Ezra walked out of the ramp and looked around sadly before he started to walk off.

"Going somewhere?" Kanan asked from behind.

Back to the streats" he replied flatly, not wanting to show his emotions.

"But why?" Kanan asked and sounded surprised.

"Look despite what you and the crew might think, I am not stupid. I am not going to stay a place I am not wanted or needed" Ezra said sharply back and started walking again.

Suddenly Kanan ran after him and stod to block his way.

"Not wanted, Ezra what are you talking about?" Kanan sounded really general confused.

Ezra looked straight at him. 'Don't cry' he told himself, he would tell, leave and never return.

"You" he replied.

"ME?" Kanan said completely confused.

The look on confusion only angered and hurt him more.

"Yes you. It is clear don't want me, just like Zeb is unhappy to bunk with me and Sabine is frustrated over I flirted with her. That leaves only Hera who wants me" Ezra said very careful not the let the hurt or the blush show.

Ezra was surprised and a bit ashamed that he had seen Sabine in that light, he had promised himself never to ..

"Why do you say I don't want you? I very much want to" Kanan said.

"HA that is rich" Ezra spat back.

"It's true" Kanan growled.

Ezra anger and hurt reached its peak.

"Says the man who flew to another system, broke in a highly guarded prison, only so he break another Jedi master out. All that so he could dump me on her, because he decided after one training session that he I was not good enough for him. Well I am letting you off the hook, so you don't have to be burdened with me. After all people only have street rats staying if they hold values and it is clear I don't do" Ezra shouted and started walking past Kanan.

Ezra heard Kanan groan before a hand was placed on his shoulder holding him back.

"I don't want to dump you" Kanan sighted "I just want you to have the best teacher" he said.

Ezra turned around.

"I don't want the best teacher, I want you" Ezra shouted only to flinch.

'Stupid, stupid, stupid' he told himself, now Kanan would think he disregarded him.

"I mean I am sure you are the best" Ezra tried to fix his mistake.

"Ezra I am not going to try and train you" Kanan replied.

Ezra sighted, no of course he was not, why had he let himself be dragged into this conversation.

"If all I do is try that mean I don't really believe I can so from now on I am going to train you. You may fail, I may fail but there is no try" Kanan said.

Ezra smiled a small smile, despite his mind telling him to be careful he could not help but feel a bit of happiness. Kanan wanted to train him, wanted him to stay.

"I understand master" Ezra said and smiled.

"Let us see if you do, now we will train and then we will take a talk with Zeb and Sabine" Kanan said and gave Ezra his lightsaber. Ezra took it and walked to take his position, he desperately hoped it would last, he craved to have a place to call his.

"It will never last" a voice inside him told.

Maybe not, but he had something right now, and right now that was a good enough start.

* * *

A/N There it is, Ezra is having a hard time trusting that good things can come his way and the crew wants him. Next chapter will be about scars as it has been focused on in the guest reviews. Also I advise those who is guest to make a profile then I can write to you and your reviews is posted immediately instead of waiting 48 hours. Also feel free to guess on which rules he has broken both with the crew and in general.


	5. Street fight

I know I promise to give you the scar parts but a guest reviewer asked to see Ezra's skills so this chapter will lead up to the next. I really mean it, scars will be the chapter 6. I will release it soon so I can't go back on my promise again.

* * *

Ezra walked down the street with the few credits he still had to buy their grocery. The crew had decided to split up to get the shopping done faster. He walked to his shop and bought his part and stepped out only to be grabbed and forced into a small alley.

"If it isn't the small street rat" the man grinned why someone else held him.

"Still as grim and unpleasant as ever Avri?" Ezra asked.

"Watch it worm" Avri said.

"Please Avri you are just a bully, grow up. I bet you still go home to your parents when you are scared. You are just a menace, you know nothing of the dangers of being on the street, you would not survive a week" Ezra spat back.

Avri looked furious and before Ezra knew it Avri had slammed his fist into his stomach and face. Ezra ground out loud as the next slam hit his nose and a nasty sound told him it was broken. A new one hit right into his ribs which made him groan out loud.

"You little brat" Avri screamed.

However, Ezra was a street rat and you did not survive on the streets if you could not fight. Ezra wrestled his way out of the hold and ducked as the next punch felt so Avri ended put his knuckle into one of the others. Ezra ran into the ally and found a dumpster. Ezra turned around and waited as Avri charged against it he threw it after him and Avri tripped over it and Ezra grinned before he started crawling up by the pipeline. Ezra crawled up fast and looked down and found Avra had started crawling up and his two goons stood down below not too excited about joining. Avra was not used to do these kind of things and Ezra could hear how he started to breath a bit heavy. Ezra hurried to crawl up and reached the roof and he jumped up and looked around quickly. Ezra saw another roof and he knew from experience that he could jump so he took run and jumped off the roof and flied past the empty air before he harshly landed on his feets. Ezra grimmached over the pain in his legs over the landing and hurried to move away from his landing place and look if Avri had followed him. To his relieve Avra just stood and looked at the gap clearly unsure what to do. Ezra hoped that Avri was as big a coward as he used to and would not try to jump. Avri apparently decided not to do so and turned his back to him and stared down the pipeline.

Suddenly Avri turned around and started to run towards empty space of the roof he was on.

"Shit" Ezra mumbled and ran to the latter and slided down of it so the metal sides cut deep into his hands which started bleeding.

It hurt like hell but rather that than another beating, he could hear how Avri tried to crawl down the letter. Ezra landed on the ground and started running when something grabbed him.

"I got him" one of the goons shouted.

Ezra slammed his foot on top of the goon and as predicted the man let him go but before he could get away the other goon grabbed him and held him. Avri came over to him.

"End of the line street rat" Avri growled and kicked him right in his guts.

Ezra groaned as the pain exploded. Suddenly Avri was lifted from the ground and into the air.

"Well since you find it okay to go three on one person which its much smaller than you I am sure you would not mind us five going after you three" Zeb snared and threw Avri on the ground.

"What?" Avri cried.

"Well since three much bigger people is beating up one person who is much smaller than themselves then I see no problem in us five beating you well and good for been so mean to one of our crew members" Sabine elaborated from the other side.

Avri looked scared as two persons and a droid also made their way towards them. The goons let go of Ezra and he wasn't late to take advantage and slammed his fist into the face of Avri that cried out.

"Go home and hide behind your mother's skirt Avri you are just an overgrown baby and you know nothing about the life on the streets and you get nowhere by threatening a street rat. Everyone can do that you idiot" Ezra growled.

Avri glared but ran away but Kanan grabbed him.

"Threaten one from my crew again and I will make you wish you had never meet any of them" Kanan growled before he released him.

Kanan rushed to Ezra and helped support him.

"You okay Ezra?" Kanan asked.

"Yes thank you"

"Who were they?" Zeb asked.

"Just some losers from my time on the street. Avri wanted to be a big shot in the gangs. So he picked on me in hoping of getting respect but like I said it doesn't matter for that type of people. They beat street rats for the fun so one who just bully one a bit won't make them run after him" Ezra explained.

The crew had a dark look on their faces.

"He has beaten you before?" Kanan asked.

Ezra shrugged his shoulder.

"It's not so bad it comes with being a street rat. People is not late to pick on you, so you learn to find ways of escaping" Ezra said.

"Yes we saw you climbing the pipeline and jumping" Sabine said.

Ezra just shrugged his shoulder again.

"It comes with the life"

None of the crew looked happy but did not push it further.

"Well let's get back you need to be treated for this" Hera said.

Ezra stiffened at this, treatment of this with the whole crew was last thing he wanted to.

"Come on Ezra" Kanan said.

Ezra knew it would not work to protest so he followed only to groan. Kanan was with him in a second supporting him. Great now he could not even run, Ezra knew that when they helped him away.

* * *

A/N I will try to write the scar chapter as soon as possible but Lightening the Path needs work. Thank you for your suggestions I do hope you are happy with this trying to show Ezra's street skills.


	6. Scars

So here it is the chapter you have been waiting for - injuries and boy it won't be pretty. I have been told I am close in style to the stories other people has written. Yes I am inspired but no I don't have any intent of stealing.

* * *

Ezra walked next to Kanan and he was desperate, even to the point where he wanted to run. The last thing he needed was to be checked for injuries, that would mean that they saw, they would look down on him for it. Worse they would ask questions about his scars and injuries which meant they would discover. There was so many things Ezra did not want them to see and know, least of all Sabine and Zeb. Zeb would take it as an invitation to tell him he was weak and Sabine … he was not sure what she would say and do but he did not want her to see. Kanan and Hera would (hopefully) not judge but that did not mean he wanted them to see or know. What would they say if they saw? Ezra had to find way out this mess.

"Ezra what is wrong?" Kanan asked worried.

Ezra looked at Kanan but was not willing to tell him what the problem was.

"Nothing" Ezra mumbled.

"I know it is a lot more than nothing, so spill" Kanan pressed.

Ezra was about to protest when he stretched his ribs making him groan much to his dismay. Of course everyone heard him.

"Right into the med bay march" Hera demanded.

"Hera please no. It is just a bruising. We don't need to check. I have been hit before it will leave in a few days and the nose I can fix myself. No need to bother because of that" Ezra tried to avoid it.

"It won't hurt to check Ezra" Kanan said.

"No" Ezra said.

Before Ezra could protest any more had Kanan tugged him up the ramp. That made him panic and he tried to escape Kanan's hold. As we are nearing the med wing it is almost a full wrestling between them.

"Ezra what …" Kanan began.

"NO" Ezra screamed in panic.

"Now Ezra come on" Kanan said while he pressured him towards the room for the medical wing.

Kanan got Ezra pressed through the door and onto the bed which made Ezra struggle even more. The entire crew followed which made him panic all together.

"Ezra breath relax what has gone into you it is just a check and a treatment" Hera said.

Ezra crawled to the corner of the mattress and tried to curl up. Ezra felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and he looked at Kanan.

"Easy Ezra you are near to hyperventilating" Kanan said.

"NO PLEASE" Ezra cried out to Kanan and tried to crawl into the corner even more.

"Ezra relax breath" Kanan said softly.

"I… don't…. please" Ezra begged.

"What is wrong kid?" Zeb asked.

Ezra just looked at him with sad eyes and pitched breathing. However Kanan decided to end the protest as grabbed Ezra's T-shirt and started pulling it off.

"NOOO" Ezra screamed in desperation and tried to push it back down but Kanan was stronger and soon it was off and the whole crew gasped.

Ezra was covered with cuts, wounds and scars. On his stomach there was a large scar from what the crew could only assume was some form of blade. Just below his stomach but above his legs there was cut long vertical lines that seemed to continue down into his pants. The lines was too perfect cut to be made by organic beings. On his left shoulder a wound who seemed old like it had not healed properly. There was traces of needle injections in both his arms. The right side of his small chest had several cuts and three burning marks. His ribs was all too easy to see. His right collar bone was sitting in and odd angle like it had been broken and healed poorly. There was also both new and old bruises in different collars and shape, some was clearly from Avri but far from all of them. Ezra though tried hide something covering his left side of his chest using his arms and lean into the wall.

"I am not weak" Ezra whispered, if it was to him or them the crew did not know.

Kanan walked up to Ezra and gently stroke him. The soft touch seemed to surprise the teen and for a short moment he forgot to hold his arms up allowing the crew to see the horrible sight. In his left side of his chest was the number 697X branded. They all froze staring at Ezra who's eyes had turned wide in horror.

"NO" Ezra screamed and ran out of the room.

On his way out the crew caught a glimpse of his bag who was like a slap to their faces. Old dried up blood was there along with several marks who could only be left by a whip.

Kanan looked at the crew and they saw the pain in his eyes. Kanan took a deep breath before started speaking.

"I will try and help him get clean and such but we won't pressure him with questions. Ezra is clearly not ready to deal with it."

The rest of the crew looked at Kanan with sad empty eyes before they nodded. Kanan left the room while the rest of the crew just stood there. One by one they left the room in silence all feeling Incredible sorry for the kid.

* * *

A/N There you have it. The scars story. I hope you feel I did it justice. Of course the stories behind the scars will come out in time. Thanks for all the help and suggestions. I will try to get them in. In the meantime I need to find the authors of Star Wars Rebel and yell their ears off for killing Kanan you (censored out).


	7. Not sick

This story is requested by fluffykitty12 and I will try to work with the other requests I have seen in good time. I am seeing all reviews and there are many good suggestions. Also the stories behind the scars will come out but not all the once.

* * *

The moment Ezra opened his eyes he knew something was wrong … could it be that he was … sick? No way he was not sick. Ezra knew the rules of the street you do not get sick, you are more vulnerable and it made it harder to steal. Besides the crew had made it clear that this was not a free ride and he had to do his share of the duties. In other words, HE WAS NOT SICK. Ezra just had to make sure that the rest of the crew got these stupid idea that was sick when clearly he wasn't. The one who would be the hardest would be Kanan because he sometimes could sense him through their bond. Well he would just have to hide this … not sickness … perhaps unbalance? So Kanan could not find it and he would have to hide that part from their bond.

Ezra got up and went out to wash up before breakfast but he did feel a bit nursery - not that he was sick or anything. Ezra managed to wash up and get out for breakfast.

"Hi Ezra" Kanan said.

Ezra looked up and nodded to his master.

"Hay Kanan" Ezra replied while trying to look ill or anything (not that he was).

"Everything alright?" Kanan asked.

Ezra sent him a reassuring smile.

"Sure Kanan … I mean master" Ezra said and sent him a cheesy grin.

Kanan looked him over clearly not believing him completely.

"What did I sense from your side of the bond then?" Kanan asked looking intently at him.

"Oh that was just … a nightmare. I was startled a little that is all" Ezra replied.

Well it was not a complete lie after all he had been startled over the fact that he for a short moment thought he was sick. Kanan looked at him but said no more as he started eating his breakfast. Normally he swallowed down his breakfast but today it felt like his body was working against it and it took considerable amount of effort to eat the breakfast and even more to have it staying there and not run to the toilet and throw it all up.

Ezra ate his breakfast and waited until everyone was out of sight before he sneaked out to the toilet and threw it all up. Well it looked like he would have to go on without food, but he had tried that before. What a luck he was not sick or that could have been a problem.

"Ezra time for a mission" he could hear Sabine and walked out.

Was it just him or was there getting colder? Ezra felt it like he was freezing, well there was nothing he could do about that. It wasn't really like he could bring a blanket with him.

SWR

Ezra felt miserable when they came back from the mission. Strange since he was not sick. Well at least he could rest now. It felt like his head weighs a ton and that several drilling exercises was performed on the inside of his skull. Ezra also felt quite nursery and really just wanted to go to his bed and sleep until things get better. Suddenly he felt his stomach turn and he ran out to the toilet powered out the last content of an already stomach. Ezra hated this, he was starting to feel week and he hated that notion more than anything. Well Ezra would just have to make sure the rest of the crew did not found out. Ezra did not need them to fuzz over him, he did not need them to run around wasting resources on him. Even worse than that they would see him as weak. What would they do when they found him weak and pathetic? No doubt they would kick him out of the ship and he would be back to stealing. Well it was not surprising considered that if they kept him while he was … like this then he would be nothing but a dead weight.

Suddenly a dizzy spell hit him and everything turned black.

SWR

Ezra woke up by a heavy pounding on the door.

"Ezra, Ezra what is wrong" was his master's voice heard through the door.

Ezra panicked and hurried to raise which made him so dizzy that he collapsed again.

When the came through for the second time he came through the pondering was even higher and he could hear that Hera was calling for him as well.

Ezra wanted to groan fearing that they might have discovered him. Ezra opened the door and found the whole crew starring worriedly which was the last thing he needed.

"Ezra you are sick aren't you?" Kanan said in no uncertain term.

Ezra tried to smile to them but it more came off as a grimach.

"No of course not" Ezra protested.

Before Kanan could protest Ezra leaned forward and vomited over him and then collapsed. Kanan grabbed Ezra and could feel the heat coming from Ezra.

"That boy is even more sick that I feared" Kanan growled and hoisted him into his arms and carried him to his quarters with the crew following after him.

Kanan put Ezra down.

"Hera I need some medicine and something to measure his temperature, Zeb a bucket I fear Ezra might vomit again, Sabine we might need an extra blanket and lots of vater" Kanan instructed and everyone left to get what Kanan had asked of them while he tugged Ezra down under the blanket.

Hera returned first and gave Kanan and thermometer which he placed on Ezra's head. Kanan's eyes widen.

"40,8 degrees calculous that is not good" Kanan said.

Ezra started to stir.

"Hey kid we have some medicine you should take and start drinking the water, then you can sleep again" Kanan said.

Ezra shook his head 'no' before he tried to get out of the bed.

"Wow stay in bed Ezra" Kanan protested and pushed him back.

Ezra shrugged his head.

"Don't waste resources on me it is not like I am sick anyway. Save it to when someone in the crew is" Ezra protested trying to raise up.

"You have close to 41 in fever you throwed up on me and collapsed and you think you can tell me you are not sick?" Kanan asked surprised.

Ezra paled but shrugged his head.

"I am not sick and like I said don't waste resources on me. It will pass in a day or two" Ezra said.

"At least drink the water" Hera urged.

Ezra nodded and started drinking deeply showing how thirsty he was. Then Ezra handed the empty glass back.

"Ezra why did you not say anything?" Sabine asked worried.

Ezra looked down while blushing.

"I am not weak" Ezra whispered.

"Ezra it has nothing to do with being weak. You need help. Now take your medicine" Kanan said.

Ezra shrugged his head.

"Ezra hun go take your medicine and then sleep. It is not bad" Hera said.

"Save them to when another crew member needs it" Ezra stubbornly said.

Kanan finally started to realise what this was really about.

"Ezra I know money sometimes can scares around here but we can always afford medicine for those who needs it and you do" Kanan said.

"No I don't, stop wasting resources on me" Ezra repeated and was fighting to get up.

Ezra's weak state made him nearly collapse again.

"Enough of this. Ezra eat the medecin or I will have Zeb holding you down while I administer it" Hera said.

"NO" Ezra screamed in real panic trying to get away.

"Ezra listen to me. I don't want to force this onto you but you risk dying if your temperature is this high" Hera said sadly.

"Please. I just don't want you to waste them. Save them for something important" Ezra said at the verge of blacking out.

"This is important … you are important. We don't like to see you sick so please Ezra for me take the medecin" Kanan tried to shoo Ezra.

Ezra looked at Kanan like he was in pain before he reached out and took the medicine and swallowed it. Shortly after Ezra was asleep but at least he had some medicine.

"Why is he so stubborn over this?" Hera sighted.

"Because he grew up on the street and he has gotten used to just try to contain it. Also I can sense he feels like he doesn't deserve it and he fears we see him as weak" Kanan said sadly.

Hera sighted.

"So he will fight this every time he wakes up and we will help him with this?" Hera asked.

"Most likely. Ezra won't like that we see him like this and he won't feel he deserve our help. It is a classic trade for people living on the streets so be prepared for him resisting all the way through" Kanan said.

The rest of the crew sighted.

"I will take the first watch, his fever is to high for him to be left unsupervised" Kanan said.

The crew nodded and left him alone the next few days would be difficult (and they were).

* * *

A/N I hope you feel it was a good sick fic. I kind of had problems writing it due to how I should end it. It is not my best work but I hope I did it justice. Let me know in a review or pm if you wanted something differently.


	8. Bitternes

Okay, okay I hear you - you want an Ahsoka story but cuddling with lothcat is not going to happen in this story. This is a harsher look at the life on the streets and cuddling with lothcat doesn't really fit in. Ahsoka will come down the line and about my spelling mistake I try my best but no, I don't have an army of people checking my work. This chapter will be about some of the anger and bitterness Ezra harbors.

* * *

Ezra walked behind the rest of the crew as they walked through the city shopping for necessities. As they headed into another shop the owner once again looked down trying not to make eye contact with him. Ezra huffed frustrated with having to look at these people once again. Since Kanan had started teaching him using the force he had learned to pick up on people's emotions and the vibe he got from him was no different from the past many shop owners he had gotten. It was filled with sadness and regret but it only made his anger spark even more, it was their fault … all their fault. Kanan looked at him and he tried to contain his feelings which was a difficult thing. Kanan would not approve of him being so angry it was just so difficult. Those people had … they had, Ezra clinched his hand in anger over it, but beyond everything bitter.

"Ezra is something wrong?" Kanan asked.

Ezra bit his lips and looked at Kanan and saw the rest of the crew looked at him.

"Nothing" Ezra mumbled not willing to discuss this.

Kanan looked at him but did not say anything as they left the shop but Ezra could feel Kanan's stare at him. As they left he saw all the other shop owner which had parts of their shop outside stand near the tables but all looking at something else when he was getting out. Of course no one wanted to look at him. Ezra knew many often had bad feelings when they saw him many was feeling sorry over the neglect they had shown him. Yet all Ezra could feel bitterness and anger towards these people. How many times had he not been starving because of them? How many times had he not had to steal to survive? Ezra had been forced to get acquainted with the criminal underworld because no one had dared taking him in. How many doors had not been slammed in his face because people was scared that if they had taken him in the wrath of the empire would hit them? Worse many had pretented to not recognize him hoping he would leave when they pretended to find he was just some street rat. Those bastards only thought of their own sorry hide but cared nothing for him.

"Ezra it is enough. I can feel how you stare at them. What is up with you?" Kanan asked.

Ezra knew his feelings must have spilled over their bond which made it impossible for him to deny it was happening.

"Nothing" Ezra spat.

"It is something so tell me what is up with you" Kanan said insisting.

Ezra's temper spilled over.

"It is not me it is them" Ezra snapped and gestured to the store owners which all looked away, pretending not to listen.

"Them? What did they do?" Kanan asked confused.

"Nothing" Ezra spat out in anger.

"I don't get it. If they did nothing why are you so angry?" Hera asked confused.

"They did nothing when I needed them the most. They did nothing when my parents was taken. I begged many of them to help me out. To take me in or give me a meal and they did nothing. They left me to rot and to starve alone on the street with no one else to take care of me. That is why they are looking like this. Oh they feel sorry but when I needed them the most did they do anything about it? No. They slammed the door in my face. Some even pretended to not know me to avoid denying me. If I ask them they either ignore me or say they are sorry. They are all just pretty words they throw about to cover of the fact that when the decision is to help another or save themselves they chose to be egoistic" Ezra snapped full of bitterness and anger.

"Ezra I know it must hurt but …" Kanan began but was interrupted.

"But what Kanan? Did they do anything for me? No they didn't. So I really fail to see what lame excuse you can make for these people" Ezra sneered and was about to stormed away when Kanan held him back.

"Ezra look around. You can see how people look down and the other way when they look at you. Now why do you think that is? It's because they feel guilty Ezra. I know you can tell this. I understand why you are so bitter they should have helped you but Ezra they are scared. You can't blame people for being scared, it is more than likely that the empire would have sent people after all of you had they found out" Kanan said gently.

Kanan's calm stance only fuled his anger even further.

"No they should done something, they should have helped me" Ezra snapped and stormed away.

Kanan looked after him.

"I am going after him we will meet you back at the Ghost" Kanan said and rushed after Ezra.

SWR

Kanan found Ezra at his tower looking over the city he stood for a little while letting Ezra chose to decide when he would acknowledge him. The boy had already sensed him earlier through their bond but had made no move to acknowledge his pressence.

"I don't want to talk about it" Ezra said.

Kanan looked at him and the jedi part of him urged him to tell Ezra to stop being ruled by his emotions but another part warned against him. This was something that bothered him incredibly much and a strict lecture about the jedi code would not solve it. No if he was to solve it he … (Kanan gulped at that) …. would have to tell him just how much he understood him.

"Okay then perhaps I should tell you a story about me" Kanan said softly.

Ezra looked surprised at that but did not protest.

"When I ran from the dying jedi order I thought there would be people out there that would help me. Yet every time I neared anyone people shouted jedi and I had to run from the troopers. So when I wondered around I found commercials telling about how terribly the jedi was. It was then I realised the emperor was campaigning against us. People hated us and those I once thought was my friends was now hunting me down like a dog" Kanan said full of pain … and a hint of bitterness.

Ezra looked at Kanan with shock.

"In the beginning when there was still some jedi left and they therefore put them on public execution on Empire Day and … and people cheered … they cheered while I looked at people I knew getting killed. The worst is that I could not say or do anything or people would start looking at me" Kanan said looking away not willing to look at Ezra.

"It eats at you doesn't it?" Ezra asked very quite and softly, rather unlike him.

"It did until I learned to let it go. Holding onto a grudge doesn't solve anything. I understand why you are so bitter Ezra. They should have helped you they really should but there is no changing the past as much as we both wished there was. You need to stop holding onto it even though it is hard. Trust me I know it is hard" Kanan said gently and full of pain.

Suddenly Ezra engulfed him in a hug starting crying.

"I … can't … they … ignored … me" Ezra cried while holding on to him crying his heart out.

"I know Ezra I know" Kanan said gently.

"My parents said they would help me if anything happened and they all ignored me" Ezra cried.

Ezra looked up at Kanan.

"Can you let it go?" Ezra asked quitely.

"Yes but it doesn't take the hurt away" Kanan said.

Ezra buried his face in his shirt and cried even harder and suddenly Kanan felt tears in his own eyes. For the first time in many years he allowed himself to cry over Caleb Dume, the jedi that never was. The fate that had befallen the young boy which only dream at the time was to be a jedi only to see it burn into ashes.

* * *

A/N There you have it. Kanan has his own issue to deal with and mother Hera is waiting on both of them back at the Ghost. Let me know if you have any more request. There will be stories behind the scars from time to time, so stay tuned.


	9. Burning fire

I am going for an angst this time where we find that Ezra is scared over fire and the reason behind why. I intend to very soon release one of the stories behind the scars. The idea about the fire was suggested by a Guest on chapter 2 for suggesting it.

* * *

For many people fire was a source of warmth and a nice way to lightening things up. For Ezra it was a thing associated with destruction and dead. The crew had been hunted a lot lately and they had flown to a new planet Ezra did not know but it was beautiful. They were sitting on a green grasmark surrounded by trees and a darkening sky which had started to show its stars. It had been one of the wonderful stress free moment where the crew just enjoyed each other's company and did not worry about the Empire and running away from emperials.

At least the moment had been stress free until the darkness had started to linger and Kanan had lit a small fire to give them some warmth and light. For everyone else they had happily moved closer to the sourcer but for Ezra it had made his nerves set on edge. Ezra had hated the fire ever since … no he did not want to think of that.

The wind blew to the fire and it flickered and Ezra felt fear and scooped away from the flames not willing to come to close. Ezra felt scared and a part of him wanted to run away he did remember the fire. The smell, the heat, the …. no Ezra would not allow that memory to resurface he still remembered the screams, panic and effort to …. NO. Ezra shivered and held his arms around himself for comfort.

"Ezra what is wrong I can feel your fears. There is no danger here Ezra" Kanan tried to calm him.

Ezra felt no need to explain the real reason that he was afraid and smiled his best smile to Kanan.

"Yearh must have slipped my mind" Ezra said trying to cover up.

Kanan looked worried at him before returned to look at the fire. Ezra felt the panic creaping right back at him . Ezra closed his eyes but all he saw was flames and the smell of burning metal … and screams.

Ezra opened his eyes just a new wind making the fire coming close.

"AAarrgghh" Ezra screamed and moved away and curled together.

"Ezra" the crew called.

For Ezra it was like a sound from far away as the memories overwhelmed him.

Fire.

Smoke.

Screams.

People running around screaming, trying to get out as the flames came closer. The air was heavy with toxins from the fire and the terribly smell of burned flesh.

"AAAARRRGGGHHH" Ezra screamed while he heart was pounding so fast that it felt like it would pop out of his chest.

"Ezra" was voices saying.

Ezra was gasping for air as he opened his eyes and saw the crew standing over him but he had difficulty focusing on them. A light breeze was felt and suddenly he saw the flames flicker again. Fear reached him again and he tried to crawl away from the flames while also curling together.

"Ezra easy" Hera said as he tried to curl up together.

Suddenly Ezra felt a gentle warm feeling smooth him through his bond with Kanan and slowly he started relaxing a little more. With relaxing he was able to refocus and watch at the crew which was all havering over him.

"Ezra what is wrong?" they all asked.

Ezra opened his mouth but not a single sound came out, the fear still holding on to him. Suddenly Ezra felt someone scoping him up into his arms, and he realised it was Kanan that carried him on board the Ghost. Ezra saw the fire …. fire, smoke, screams. Ezra felt it like the ir was heavy, he could not breath .. air … AIR he needed to get away, screams.

Ezra was only half aware that he was laid down on a bed as he gasped for breath.

"Ezra try to relax, slow down your breathing and try to relax" Kanan smoothed.

Slowly, very slowly Ezra managed to refocus and saw that Kanan had taken him to his cabinet.

"Ka …. Kanan" Ezra managed to get out.

"Easy Ezra try to relax and when you are ready, then we will talk" Kanan said.

Ezra tried to make himself relax but his memory was threatening to overwhelm him. Suddenly Ezra felt warmth and comfort through his new bond with Kanan. Ezra realised that Kanan was trying to help him and he relaxed a little more and focused on getting his breathing even. Ezra was laying there for a while trying to reorganise his world. Ezra knew Kanan would not let him talk his way out of this one all though he really did not want to talk about it.. Kanan looked at him.

"Are you hungry?" Kanan asked.

"Yes please" Ezra said.

Kanan left and Ezra looked around desperately trying to find a way out of there. Even so there wasn't any way out besides the door and he was forced to wait on Kanan which came back with a tray. Ezra slowly ate the food when it was offered and Kanan kept an eye on him. First when he had have some food and relaxed did Kanan adresse him.

"So Ezra what happened out there?" Kanan asked.

"No please I don't want to talk about it" Ezra said.

"I know you won't but you need to. I am here to help you and I can only do that if you let me help you" Kanan said.

"I...I" Ezra began but could not find the words.

Love and reassurance reached him through the bond. Ezra took a deep breath and began talking.

"It was some years after my parents was taken and I had started calling the streets my home. The empire was looking for a rebel sympathiser and people started getting nervous about it so Governor Pryce called in extra troopers. I had gone to an arena where the was a concert. I could not afford the ticket but I had found that by climbing the vents I could get in. My thought that inside I could snatch a few credits from people's wallets because they were more interested in the music than me. However as I crawled through it I heard shouts and shots. It turned out the rebel sympaniser had sneaked in to disappear in the crowd. The troopers chased him and shot left and right and some of the shots hit a fuel tank for a part of the show where fire was meant to be projected. It exploded and started burning. People was panicking and running out and I saw it all. I remember the flames, the smell, the toxic air and people screaming. I have been scared of fire ever since" Ezra whispered looking completely white in the face.

"I am sorry Ezra" Kanan said as he gently brushed Ezra over the hair. Physical contact was something he wasn't fond of but Ezra would sometimes allow it.

"It is just every time I se flames it is all I can remember. Kanan why did it happen to me? Why?" Ezra sobbed and shuttering at the memory.

"Sometimes bad things happen Ezra. We can't control everything even so I am grateful that you made it out. I know the force sometimes puts you through hard situations but it is also in those moments we grow the most" Kanan said.

"It feels so wrong. I made it out but not everyone did. People was pretty angry over it but as always the Empire held their hands over Pryce the troopers" Ezra said.

"I know it is not fiar and I wish you did not had seen it but I know you can overcome it. You are stronger than most" Kanan said.

Ezra leaned into him and Kanan held him in an embrace silently, trying coming to terms with it.

* * *

A/N There it is, my first take on angest version. I do hope it is not to dark, I originally made it much darker.


	10. Freedom and chores

I am back with a new chapter and we have a guest appearing by Rex as it takes place in the episode Brothers of the Broken Horns. I will jump a bit as the episode is not the focus but the dilemma I felt it sed up and Ezra's behaviour.

* * *

The crew minus Ezra but plus Rex was going out to find the black market to find some generators. They all passed through several shops no one seemed to have power generators.

"We won't find anything in these places we will have to go to the black market" Kanan said.

"Well then let us find the area and get going" Kanan said.

After some looking they found the black market stowed away in small alleys. Many looked at the odd mix of species in the group. Several even stared with a hungry look at Hera. Kanan was not late to realise at least a few was slave drivers and glared hard after them when they stared at Hera.

"Perhaps we should split up and cover more ground" Sabine suggested.

"No" Kanan cut her off but then explained further when Sabine looked confused, "A fair share of these people is slavers. If we break up we will be to easy to get to. We stay together even if it will make it take longer time" Kanan said.

"Well for once you and I agree on something" Rex muttered so they all heard it.

"Makes me glad Ezra is back at the Ghost safe and sound and it gives him time to clean the Phantom. Ezra better have done so or he will be scrubbing every inch of the Ghost both inside and outside" Hera said.

"Yes all though I don't get what is wrong with the boy. Suddenly he said he might not want to be a jedi. Perhaps I should give him some more training" Kanan said.

"That will have to wait until I give him some more blaster training" Rex said.

"Yes but first he has some extra chores he forgot about which he has to do

Sabine looked oddly at them before she turned her focus back.

"What is it Sabine?" Hera asked as she noticed the look the young woman shot her.

"Well it is just … maybe we should talk about it somewhere else than here" Sabine said.

Everyone looked at Sabine before they continued their search.

SWR

It had taken them several hours (and a few people asking if they could buy Hera along with Kanan, Rex, Sabine and Zeb smacking those people) before they finally had found a single generator.

"We won't find anymore here, we have looked for hours" Zeb said.

They all nodded and headed back to the more open streets which was a great relief for everyone. They walked back to the Ghost only to find the Phantom, Ezra and Chopper missing.

"Argh where has that unruly kid vanished to know?" Kanan said irritated.

"Not to mention taken the Phantom and Chopper?" Hera asked just as frustrated and worried.

Before any of them could say anything the Phantom landed and a person that was not Ezra came out.

"Ha ha another perfect landing now where am I?" the person said.

Everyone drew out their blasters.

"Why do you have our ship and where is Ezra?" they all asked.

"My name is Hondo and I am simply here with a few generators and now I will leave" Hondo said.

"Oh no you don't. I have heard about. You would leave your own crew behind if it served your purpose now were is Ezra?" Kanan sneered and pressed his blaster up in Hondo's face.

"Oh Ezra yes yes the young boy. Well ah… I" Hondo said.

"You left him did you not. Now you will show us where he is and stay with us until we find him" Kanan said.

"What about the generators? I could give you them in stead?" Hondo asked.

"You can give us them for taking our ship but you will help us no matter what" Kanan said.

Before they could say anymore another pot landed and out came Ezra. Relieved that he was back they all ran over and looked him over and hugged him. Ezra smiled and went over and talked to Hondo.

"Why not join me kid? Think of the adventure we could have" Hondo said.

The crew stiffened would Ezra really dump them just like that?

"No thanks Hondo my place is here" Ezra said.

Shortly after that Hondo was on his way. Hera, Rex and Kanan went to see Ezra.

"Ezra we were so worried where have you been?" Kanan asked.

"We have been worried sick. What do you think you have been doing" Hera shouted.

"I am sorry I just …" Ezra tried to explain.

"You can look forward to a week of extra duties" Hera said.

"Ezra why did you run off? You will have double jedi training for this" Kanna said.

"Kid you should not do so, also I expect you have some blaster training tomorrow morning" Rex said.

"But I ..." Ezra tried to explain.

"No buts you will do as we say and you can start by scrubbing the Phantom both inside and outside starting now. After that you can take the outside of the Ghost" Hera said.

"But I …" Ezra tried once more.

"Keep going" Kanan said.

"I should have left with Hondo" Ezra growled as he left.

"Why did he say that?" Kanan asked in disbelief when Ezra left.

Sabine and Zeb looked as Ezra left and then looked up at Kanan, Hera and Rex.

"Are you three done giving Ezra more excuses to leave?" Sabine said.

"Sabine what? We are not" Kanan protested.

"Oh yeah? Tell me who has the biggest workload on this ship right now? Ezra has blaster practice with Rex, Jedi training with Kanan and chores for Hera and then there is the missions we all participate in. While we all have chores and missions around here we can relax when those are done but Rex want to teach Ezra and the same goes for Kanan. While it gives you an extra workload you don't have to do both you can rest when you have trained but not Ezra. As soon as Ezra is done in one area he is dragged to the next and then beretted when he privies tasks prevented him to have time to prepare for the current. You three don't even care to coordinate with each other so you don't overlap or overburden him. Are you really surprised he ran off? His frustration has reached it's pieke only for you to give him even more work and not even let him explain himself. I don't know if I wanted to stay if I had to put up with all this" Sabine said.

Zeb also wanted to raise a point.

"Not only that, but has it occured to you Ezra lacks the discipline for such an exhausting schedule? All of us have been taught discipline either at our home or in some form of military. Ezra grew up on street. If I am to guess he slept when he was tired, woke up when he could not sleep any longer and went where he wanted to go with no one telling him otherwise. To suddenly have a ton of training and chores without any breaks or coordinating and no discipline to back it up with is damn hard. Then he had it double when he ran away in frustration and you would not even allow him to explain. May I remind you Ezra is only staying here if he want to? Ezra is not forced to stay here and can leave if he sees fit and they way you are driving him I could see that happen" Zeb said.

Kanan, Rex and Hera looked shocked at the two crew member. Getting a schoolding from those two was extremely unusual but now that they mentioned it there was something to it. All three of had been putting work loads on Ezra and as they increased so had Ezra's frustration and reluctance.

"I better go see to him. I am sure I could make a smaller training schedule for him" Kanan said and left all though a small blush was on his cheeks. As Kanan went to the Phantom he found Ezra asleep with a scrubber in one hand. Kanan lifted Ezra up and carried him into his bed where he tugged him in.

"Please don't leave us Ezra. I promise we will be better" Kanan said stroking his hair.

Ezra snuggled a little close and Kanan smiled to the sleeping boy. They could do this.

* * *

A/N There! I know the wait has been long but a small block had hit me. I hope you like it, please leave a review. I will try to let there be less time to the next.


	11. Interregation

I took some time but I give you one of the stories behind the scars to compensate. This story is a little different, it is set shortly after the end of season 1. Kanan is struggeling with handeling his torture and get some unusual help.

* * *

"Where are the rebels? Who is Falcrum? The Grand Inquisitor asked.

"I don't know and even if I did I would not tell you" Kanan said.

"You don't look to good are you sure you want another round?" the Grand Inquisitor asked as he looked at the victime strapped down at the interrogation table.

"I will rather die than tell you anything" Kanan spat.

"We are nearing Mustafar. When we get there you would wish you had died" the Grand Inquisitor said as he activated the electricity.

Kanan screamed as he tossed and turned on the table trying to handle the electricity as his nevers was set ablaze.

Kanan woke up screaming and covered in sweet as he looked around finding himself in his own room on the Ghost. Almost every night since his rescue he had dreamt himself back to the interrogation table. Dreamt about how he was tortured over and over because he had not been able to answer. Because Hera had not told him anything, because she had valued the rebellion higher than him. This was all her fault and this was why he was laying here alone and he was better off this way. Kanan shook his head it was his anger speaking. Ever since the torture he had been having a hard time control his emotions. For the same reason he had mostly stayed in the cabinet trying to get the control back but it had also meant he had isolated himself from those he had loved the most.

Kanan knew he would not get more rest that night so he got up and went to the kitchen where he made himself some tea. His hand was shaking for everything he did, it was the electricity that had caused nerve damage. Suddenly a pair of hands came into view and took the cup from him and put in the tea bag, and added the water and then put it on the table. Kanan looked up and saw Ezra standing in front of him. Kanan managed a week smile. Every time he saw Ezra it made him happy that the boy had survived. Those nights when he wasn't at the interrogation table he dreamed about Ezra falling to his death.

Ezra put the tea on the table and sat waiting for him. Kanan felt there was something wrong about this picture. Ezra acted like he was an adult that wanted to talk to child about a hard subject. Even so Kanan sat down and started drinking the tea in silence while looking at his padawan.

"You have been avoiding us" Ezra said quite.

Kanan looked at him but could not really denied it.

"I am sorry Ezra it is just … it is just hard" Kanan said.

This situation was backwater and wrong. Kanan had a responsibility to Ezra not the other way around.

"Kanan I …" Ezra began.

"Ezra no please. It is my responsibility to take care of you not you the other way" Kanan said and raised from the table.

"No Kanan don't leave we need to talk" Ezra said.

"Ezra please it is not your job to handle my problems" Kanan pleated to him.

"Kanan" Ezra said.

Kanan gave a small smile and started walking away. Ezra grabbed his hand to try and yank him back.

"You are in pain. You have nightmares. Your emotions change in a blink of an eye. One moment you feel fine and then next you feel like your world is crumbling down on you and you want to lash out on it. You feel exposed and raw mingled with fear that suddenly the same people will stand right in front of you to drag you back. You are affraid to sleep because you dream about what happened and when you sleep you wake up screaming and covered in sweet. I know how that is" Ezra said.

Kanan stopped dead in his track and turn around. The kid had just described how he felt perfectly. There was only one way the boy would know - he had tried it himself.

"Ezra when and where?" Kanan asked carefully and gently.

Ezra got a pained expression in his face.

"Someone in the underworld had gotten the really bad idea of stealing a large sum from the Empire. That was a stupid idea because it made the Empire come crushing down on them hard. They hunted and captured the entire gang but few people knew anything about it. I think someone said I might knew something as I came there from time to time seeking jobs. Anyway the emperials found me in the city and dragged me into an interrogation" Ezra said and shivered.

"I wish you never had to try that" Kanan said.

"It is not like you don't have tried it yourself. You had it far worse than me I imagen" Ezra said.

"Kanan sighted and asked the question he feared the answer to "What did they do to you?"

Ezra looked at him with a painful face but did not reply.

"Ezra?" Kanan asked.

"I will tell if you will tell about yours" Ezra said.

"Ezra no you are not responsible for me" Kanan protested.

"You need to talk to someone and I am the only one who understand you" Ezra protested.

"Please Ezra you need help, then we will deal with me" Kanan said.

"Why not just tell both of us" Ezra said.

Kanan knew he could explain but he could see Ezra was not backing down.

"Only if you get some help afterwards. You should not deal with my problem" Kanan said.

"You first" Ezra said.

Kanan sighted. "They electrocuted me, beat me, they barely feed me and they drugged me more times that I can count" Kanan admitted.

Suddenly Kanan felt a hug and saw it was Ezra. Kanan hugged him bag while feeling sad that Ezra was doing this. Ezra was letting go but not before he whispered.

"They could not make me fit an interrogation table so they tied me to a normal table and had the droid cut into my legs"

Kanan felt anger once again. Ezra watched him.

"Kanna we need to talk about this but first you need to talk to Hera. It hurt her that you are so angry at her" Ezra said.

"Ezra wait" Kanan said but Ezra was already gone most likely to avoid opening up further.

Kana sighted as he looked after him. That boy was far to grown up for his age but Kanan would get Ezra some help then he left as well.

SWR

Hera woke up and looked around in the bed finding that Kanan had still not seen fit to join her. Ever since the join up with the rebellion he had been angry at her for hiding it. It was understandable but it hurt. As she walked out she found Kanan sitting on hock waiting for her which surprised her.

"Hera we need talk" Kanan said.

Hera smiled a small smile. "Yes we do".

* * *

A/N I hope it was not too dark. Let me know what you think


	12. A painfull secret

So I am back and I hope you are all well. I got a really long review from a guest and this story is based on this. As for your other part … I have been thinking about something similar but I have to cut it down or I won't be able to make it to a T rating. I also advise you to get a profile so I can pm with you about it.

* * *

Another job, another run away after a close call with the Empire Ezra mused as they ran through the sewers to avoid detection after blowing some ships up. It was not something particular new they had been doing this before. They had intended to sneak in, watch what was being made and blow up a target, done so before. Hera had provided the intel like so often before but somehow it had went wrong .. again. They had sneaked in and prepared the bombs but was discovered and had to run that had been tried before. Only this time the differences was that they had to hide in the sewers and even there the empire had run after them. Whatever they had blown up it had to be really important, they had been pursued all the way down into the sewer where they usually could run in the streets.

"Rebels spotted" a voice of a stormtrooper was heard.

"Not again" Ezra groaned as they once more had the turn around as they ran into yet another groups of stormtroopers.

Ezra started to realise that someone was using the troopers in a strategic way. Who ever was commanding them seem to know where they wanted to go. But how could that be? Suddenly it hit him. They could do so because some of them no doubt had gotten a map over the sewer line and sending troops in where they could to prevent them from getting to the upside in the hopes that they would surrender. That realisation left them with very few possibilities, in fact only one would have a good chance to work and it was not something he liked. They would have to run in and hide in the old sewer system that was an old system that was no longer used and laberint you could easily get lost in.

"Aarggh these guys is everywhere" Kanan sneered as he saw another groups of troopers up ahead.

Ezra knew he had to act or they would all be caught soon.

"I know how we can shake off the soldiers if you follow me and stay quite" Ezra said.

They all stared at him but nodded as they once more heard the sound of running once more. Ezra showed to turn left and the crew followed as they came to smaller and older tunnels. They could still hear the troopers run after them so they continued to run. They continued further and further into the labyrinth and the tunnels become smaller and smaller until suddenly.

"I am stuck" Zeb said.

"Karabast boy where are we even going" Zeb swore as he tried to get through.

Hera, Sabine, Kanan and Ezra rushed over to him and started dragging Zeb through the whole.

"They must be captured they ran to the right" a voice was heard.

They all looked with panic and pulled harder and finally they pulled through.

"Kid it is a dead end" Zeb growled when he looked around.

"No" Ezra said and pointed to the cealing and they saw it expect from a small part covered with moss.

"Kanan help me up" Ezra said.

Kanan made a horseshoe and Ezra ran over making Ezra jump up …. and disapperead through the roof. They all stared in surprise until Ezra looked down at them.

"Come on" he urged them to hurry.

"This way" the voices shouted closer. Kanan looked to Hera and Sabine and used the force to start lifting them. As soon as they reached Ezra he grabbed their hands and started draging them up and Zeb lifted them the rest of the way. Kanan used the force to jump up and together he and Ezra drew out their sabers and cut a bigger whole.

"I am sure they went this way" they heard the voices of the troopers not that far from where they were.

As soon as it was done they reached out and lifted Zeb up he prepared as soon as he could he started pulling himself up and with the help of and they hurried to cover the whole and put the moss back on. Ezra made a signal to get everyone to be quite. They all sat waiting in a small room as they heard the footstep nearing them. There was almost not room for all of them and Zeb could not stand up fully. They all grew silent as they heard the voices down below them.

"They ran this way I saw them" a voice said - no doubt a stormtrooper.

"Then why aren't they hear?" another voice shouted.

"I … I don't know" the other voice said.

"Then explain how come they have vanished

"Then you can explain to ISB agent Kallus how it came we lost them he will have your head for losing them" the other one shouted.

They all looked silently at each other before the sound of the troopers was leaving. None of them dared say a word which was a good thing because it did not take long before a new group of troopers was heard from below. They all waited but to their relief non of the troopers that came down below found them. It seemed like they waited forever before they finally heard all the troopers had left and they started looking around. They were in a tiny room - if you can call an area in the sewer for a room. There was a tiny brix made out of a few wooden planks with a moldy and rotten blanket indicating someone had lived there. But judging by the layer of dust it had not been used for a long time. Sabine walked over to the bed and looked at it but found no personal belongings who told who had been living there. At least she though so until she saw a small toy stuck in the side it was covered by a tick layer of dust. Sabine grabbed it and saw it was a small toy formed as a loth cat. As s she started brushing dust off she saw a small name sewed into it. She tried to read it a couple of time before she made it out. _To our darling son Ezra love mother and father._ Sabine gasped making the crew turn to her all expect Ezra who looked pained.

"Ezra this is yours" Sabine said trying to give it to him but Ezra did not take it.

The crew stared at him.

"It is just a silly toy let us leave here and get back to the Ghost" Ezra rejected.

"Ezra why have you even slept here?" Hera asked careful as she had learned to step careful about Ezra's past.

"You think I could just find a 5 star hotel after my parents was … look it doesn't matter. I just slept here until I found the tower. Now can we go back to the Ghost?" Ezra said dismissing.

"But kid" Zeb started.

"Yearh I know I am a sewer brain" Ezra said angrily but with a tiny bit of hurt.

"Kid that was not …" Zeb began.

"Look I lived here for three month before I found the tower end of story can we go now please" Ezra said coldly.

The crew saw the pained expresion and nodded. One by one they left until only Kanan was left. Before he left he looked at the left toy and grabbed it. He intended to have it cleaned and then put it somewhere were Ezra could claim it without the rest seeing it. This could very well be all that was left of the poor boys childhood.

* * *

A/N Yearh I know not my best chapter but I having a block for a long time so I felt I had to get this out just to do it. I hope you like it.


	13. Nightmares

I know it has been long but I have been having a block. I hope it is lifted but we will have to see. Anyway enjoy it, it is longer than usual.

* * *

Zeb knew that he and Ezra hand not started out on the best terms, to him he was an annoying smart mouth of a street rat. As time went on he had started to notice that the boy sometimes seemed to be struggling to sleep. There was nights where Ezra would sip out of the room and not return before in the morning. Zeb might not like his new room mate but he still wondered where he went and why he did not sleep in his bed. Zeb decided to talk to Hera and Kanan about it he had to be sure that the boy was not up to something.

SWR

Zeb walked into the common room and found that luck was with him as Hera and Kanan was in there without any of the kids. Zeb sat down and looked at them unsure of how to start the conversation. Kanan was the first to sense that something was off and looked at him clearly wondering if he should say something or give him the chance to bring it up himself. Zeb decided to do something

"Uhm Kanan, Hera uhm it's about the kid" Zeb mumbled.

Hera sighted.

"Zeb I know you are not used to sharing a room but please try to get the best out of it. We can't let Ezra sleep with Sabine or me and Kanan don't have an overcoat" Hera said tiredly.

"No no it is not that at least. It is not the snoring I want to talk about" Zeb hurried to assure.

"Then what is?" Kanan asked clearly not wanting to beat around the bushes.

"Well the kid … he sneaks off sometimes. A night he get up and get out and he don't come back before early in the mornings" Zeb said.

Hera and Kanan looked worried at each other at the news and was clearly unsure about how to handle it.

"How often does it happen?" Hera asked worried.

"I am not sure. It seems to come and go in periods sometimes it is almost every other night other times it skip a week or two" Zeb answered.

Kanan looked at him clearly deep in thoughts and he was not sure what their fearless leader was thinking. It took a while before Kanan looked up again.

"I think we should check it out" Kanan said but Zeb could see he had a strange expression in his face.

"Okay" Hera agreed clearly also looking wandering on Kanan.

"Has this happened recently?" Kanan asked.

"The last three nights has been like this" Zeb confirmed.

"In that case we all go to bed and if Ezra sneaks out then come and fetch me and Hera" Kanan decreed.

Hera and Zeb nodded but they looked at Kanan as it was clear that Kanan had something on his mind.

"Hera and Zeb I might have an idea about what is going on and if I am right and Ezra freaks will you be willing to let me handle it? Go back to bed or take a snack or something like that but let me handle it if I am asking you too?" Kanan asked.

"Kanan what?" Hera began.

"Hera I might have an idea of what is it and if I am right he might not want to talk about it at to us. So all that I am asking is to trust me to try and let me to handle it if I am right" Kanan said lightly.

Hera and Zeb looked at each other before they nodded they would trust Kanan with their life.

SWR

Zeb laid waiting to see if Ezra would be sneaking out. Sure enough he could suddenly see the silhouette of Ezra sneaking out. Zeb waited until he could no longer hear the kid in the hallway. Zeb got up and carefully walked over to the door and out in the hallway. Zeb walked over to Kanan's cabin when he opened the door and looked at him. Kanan was fully awake and clothed. Silently they went over to Hera's cabin and nocked carefully (all though Zeb suspected they were in the same cabin for a vast majorities of nights). The three of them walked down the hallway.

SWR

Kanan entered the hanger with two others in tow he could already feel Ezra and having a pretty good idea what this was about. Kanan walked over to a corner in the hanger and there he found Ezra curled together. The boy didn't look good as he lay curled together in the the corner. His face was scrune like he was in pain and small grunt emerged from him. Kanan kneeled down to him.

"Ezra wake up" Kanan said softly putting a hand on the boys shoulder.

"No" Ezra mumbled as he curled together.

Kanan intended to shake him awake when Ezra started to curl together and call out.

"No please, don't, please" Ezra mumbed as he tossed and turned.

Kanan felt cold when he heard it his fears had been confirmed he turned to Hera and Zeb to tell them to go when suddenly.

"NO" Ezra screamed and sat up.

Ezra shot up and looked around and saw them and shame and horror filled his eyes. Ezra looked ready to start crying and leapt out of corner and stood up and ran out. Kanan turned to Hera and Zeb.

"Please go back to bed and let me handle this" Kanan said.

"Kanan what is going on?" Her and Zeb asked.

Kanan sighted he would rather handle this on his own but they should at least make them understand what was going on.

"Ezra has nightmares about his past and he don't want us to know. That is why he is sneaking off. He don't want us to find out and see him as weak" Kanan said softly.

Zeb and Hera's face was filled with pain and it was clear they wanted to rush after Ezra but Kanan deliberately stepped in front of the door.

"No you two will go back to bed. Try to rest if not sleep. Let me handle this or at least try. It is clear he don't want to talk about it" Kanan said.

"But Kanan" they both protested.

"No buts. We won't solve this in one evening and we won't get anything out of him if we gang up on him. Now please go back to bed" Kanan said.

Her and Zeb looked pained and him and sighted in defeat.

"Come Zeb. I can use a glass of tea and I can make you a sandwich" Hera said and Zeb nodded as they left for the kitchen.

As soon as they were out of sight Kanan stilled and focused on the force. Ezra wasn't hard to find and he followed his signature. Kanan followed it and found Ezra in the cockpit where Ezra sat curled into a corner. As he looked up at Kanan there was no tears in his eyes but they told af tale of deep agonizing pain. Ezra looked like all of that was about to pouring out of him but Kanan could only see that because he knew Ezra. If he didn't he wouldn't be able to tell it was only the eyes betrayed him. Had Kanan passed him without knowing he would simply had looked like any child who lived on the street.

"I don't need you Kanan. I don't need anyone. I can manage for myself" Ezra sneered harshly to him.

Kanan understood that Ezra felt trapped right now and the worst thing Kanan could do was to step forward and pressure the topic. Instead he stepped to the side and sat down to make himself appear smaller.

"I know what you are going through Ezra. I also had nightmares about when …. when …. when my master was killed I had nightmares too" Kanan said in a low and pained voice.

Ezra looked up and equal parts of pain, anger and interest was in his eyes.

"I dreamt about ever so often. Seeing it all happen over and over and I can only imagine you are dreaming about your parents being taken from you" Kanan said in a low voice and softly.

"You don't know anything about" Ezra sneered and stood up.

Kanan sighted.

"No Ezra I don't but I understand how it feels to be alone and have everything ripped from you. To be alone on the streets and starve and learn no one cares. To know that no one wants to help you" Kanan said and could hear how pain spilled into his own voice.

That seem to calm down Ezra and he looked at Kanan and it was clear he was on the verge of crying. Kanan opened his arms wordlessly and Ezra was unsure before he went over and received it. As Ezra felt the hug he broke the rules of the streets and started crying.

* * *

A/N So here we have the rules broken and some insight into Ezra losing his parents. It was touched on so briefly in the show I feel it is a bit romanticised. It isn't a beautiful thing and Ezra has most likely spent many nights mourning his loss in a dark alley. Since this is put out in December I encourage everyone to make a Christmas donate to charity especially if it is for children. Most readers will be stuffing themselves with food in December and getting a lot of presents. If you can afford that you should be able to afford a small donation. Anyway Merry Christmas or whatever tradition you choose to celebrate if you have some at all.


End file.
